For those who don't know, we lost a baby girl in 2010 at 24 weeks of pregnancy. We named her Anneke Marie. At first we didn't know what had happened, we knew I had preeclampsia but we didn't know why (Here is a recount of what happened that time).
A few weeks after the loss of Anneke, I started having symptoms of lupus, and got diagnosed with it not long after that. I struggled with the illness for about half a year, but for some reason I didn't feel like I wanted to heal; I felt that God had a purpose for my illness. And yes he did, but it was actually my lack of desire to heal what he wanted to change in me. I guess I thought he wanted me sick, and so I was going to stay that way. But I was not holding onto His grace with confidence. Even though so many people were praying for me and asking for healing, I wasn't truly; I thought I was, but I wasn't really. And then, one day, I felt the Spirit telling me it was okay to not be happy with the illness, it was okay to desire to be healthy again and to ask for healing, and so I did that right at that moment; I asked God for healing. God answered in an almost unbelievable way (but that's a story for another day), and He showed me how to get healthy again through juice fasting. I only fasted for about a week, and started feeling better, the symptoms started to go away and then the lupus went into remission not long after that.
It was not only a process of physical healing, but also of spiritual growth. I grew closer to God as he showed me the mysterious ways in which he works and that he had a purpose all along. He taught me the meaning of Hebrews 4:16
Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
and Mark 11:24
Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.
He used what we went through to teach us the meaning of Grace. And he's still teaching us, it is so hard to grasp the true meaning of Grace, it is a divine concept that as humans we can't fully comprehend, it surpasses our understanding. So I am still learning and he is still teaching me, even now with Amaliah!
But back to the story...As my body started getting healthy again, or I should say, healthier, we decided to try to get pregnant again. The doctors said it was safe to start trying and in fact, a good time to try, since lupus is a flare up illness and it's best to get pregnant when on remission. I knew God was going to answer our prayer of a child if we had faith, so I had faith and prayed with assurance. We were pregnant again by August of 2012, we were so excited but we knew there were some risks, so I was under the care of specialists and we had to come to Sioux Falls (which is about an hour and 15 min away from our home) almost every week for most of the pregnancy, which we were fine with because we got to see our baby through the ultrasound very often and the doctors could keep a close eye on my health and the baby's. I have to admit that there were a few times where I did wonder if we were going to lose this baby too, so I had to cling close to God and his faithfulness, cling to his promises. And, as you know, He has answered our prayer.
On Tuesday March 5 we came to Sioux Falls for our weekly check up, and thank God we did; I had not been feeling the best the last couple of weeks before that, I knew my lupus was flaring up again because I started feeling pain in my joints and my hands would get swollen during the night. My face and eyes were swollen too and I just didn't feel right. Our OB doctor told us she was not going to let me go back home. My blood pressure was high, they found protein in my urine, I was retaining fluids, had had headaches and changes in vision... all signs of preeclampsia. So I was hospitalized, they started me on some medications, a doctor came to talk to us about early delivery, they said, "just in case". We had enough time so that I could get two shots of steroids to help the baby develop her lungs fast, also "just in case", but we didn't think it would happen so soon. On Thursday my OB doctor came to see me again and she said "you are not doing good, you are going to deliver your baby through C section tomorrow at 8:00am". What a shock it was to hear that, I cried, I didn't expect it would be so soon, and never thought it would be through a C section. Now I am glad it was a C section, I didn't have to worry about labor, the pain or how long it would take for delivery. It was somewhat planned, it was fast, it wasn't painful and I was in such good care from the doctors.
Amaliah Joy arrived weighing 2lbs. 7oz. and measuring 14in. (38cm). It was so special, of course, I am sure other parents know what I am talking about. She was so tiny but so perfect in our eyes. I didn't worry really too much about anything, I knew the doctors knew what they were doing, I knew she was in God's hands and I knew there were so many people praying for us. I completely trusted God and as I was getting the spinal shot I was praying and thanking God for the wisdom he's given to doctors and nurses to be able to handle and care for life in such a way. Thinking of God's majesty and thanking Him made me focus on his power and made me feel calm and took away all anxiety.
I was pretty much tied to a bed for the next 48 hours, so I only was able to see Amaliah for a few seconds before they took her to the NICU, but I think I was pretty patient, I knew she was in good care and it made me feel really good that my husband and sister were able to go see her. They brought pictures for me to see and that was special.
We've received so much love from people everywhere, we know you've prayed for us, we've also received financial help, and we haven't had to worry about much. I am staying at the Walsh Family Village next to the hospital, a place for families of patients receiving treatment at the hospital, where they take you even if you can't pay for your stay. I get rides to the hospital by the hospital security. The hospital also provides 2 free meals for mother and father of the child everyday. Friends and church have helped us with food and gas for all the trips Josue has had to do, since he is still working and has to go home and come back almost everyday. God has been so faithful, we know that if we trust, he will provide in his grace. Sometimes it's hard to keep believing, a few times doubt came to our hearts again, but we had to remember, Jehovah-Jireh. And he has, we don't have to worry about the future, we know we are in his care. Everything will be ok.
This is the story of the special gift God brought to us, through it all God showed his mercy and love, he provided for every need through his children. We've been truly blessed. Even in the loss of our Anneke, we believe in the promise that we will see her again someday, and we trust, like David did.
Pero, regresando a la historia...mientras mi cuerpo estaba más sano, decidimos que podíamos intentar tener otro bebé. Los médicos nos dieron el sí, nos dijeron que era un buen momento para intentarlo, ya que el lupus es una enfermedad de brote y es mejor quedar embarazada cuando esta en remisión. Yo sabia que Dios iba a contestar nuestra oración de un hijo si teníamos fe, así que tuve fe y oraba con seguridad. Me embarace de nuevo en agosto del 2012. Estábamos muy felices, pero sabíamos que habían riesgos, por lo que estuvimos bajo el cuidado de especialistas y teníamos que venir a Sioux Falls (que esta a 1 hr. 15 min. de donde vivimos) casi cada semana durante la mayor parte del embarazo, lo cual estaba bien con nosotros porque podíamos ver a nuestra bebé seguido a través de ultrasonido y los médicos podían estar al pendiente de algún cambio en mi salud o la de la bebé. Tengo que admitir que hubo algunas veces en las que mre pregunté si íbamos a perder a esta bebé también, así que tuve que aferrarme fuerte a Dios y a su fidelidad, aferrarme a sus promesas. Y, como ustedes ya saben, El respondió nuestra oración.
On Tuesday March 5 we came to Sioux Falls for our weekly check up, and thank God we did; I had not been feeling the best the last couple of weeks before that, I knew my lupus was flaring up again because I started feeling pain in my joints and my hands would get swollen during the night. My face and eyes were swollen too and I just didn't feel right. Our OB doctor told us she was not going to let me go back home. My blood pressure was high, they found protein in my urine, I was retaining fluids, had had headaches and changes in vision... all signs of preeclampsia. So I was hospitalized, they started me on some medications, a doctor came to talk to us about early delivery, they said, "just in case". We had enough time so that I could get two shots of steroids to help the baby develop her lungs fast, also "just in case", but we didn't think it would happen so soon. On Thursday my OB doctor came to see me again and she said "you are not doing good, you are going to deliver your baby through C section tomorrow at 8:00am". What a shock it was to hear that, I cried, I didn't expect it would be so soon, and never thought it would be through a C section. Now I am glad it was a C section, I didn't have to worry about labor, the pain or how long it would take for delivery. It was somewhat planned, it was fast, it wasn't painful and I was in such good care from the doctors.
Amaliah Joy arrived weighing 2lbs. 7oz. and measuring 14in. (38cm). It was so special, of course, I am sure other parents know what I am talking about. She was so tiny but so perfect in our eyes. I didn't worry really too much about anything, I knew the doctors knew what they were doing, I knew she was in God's hands and I knew there were so many people praying for us. I completely trusted God and as I was getting the spinal shot I was praying and thanking God for the wisdom he's given to doctors and nurses to be able to handle and care for life in such a way. Thinking of God's majesty and thanking Him made me focus on his power and made me feel calm and took away all anxiety.
I was pretty much tied to a bed for the next 48 hours, so I only was able to see Amaliah for a few seconds before they took her to the NICU, but I think I was pretty patient, I knew she was in good care and it made me feel really good that my husband and sister were able to go see her. They brought pictures for me to see and that was special.
We've received so much love from people everywhere, we know you've prayed for us, we've also received financial help, and we haven't had to worry about much. I am staying at the Walsh Family Village next to the hospital, a place for families of patients receiving treatment at the hospital, where they take you even if you can't pay for your stay. I get rides to the hospital by the hospital security. The hospital also provides 2 free meals for mother and father of the child everyday. Friends and church have helped us with food and gas for all the trips Josue has had to do, since he is still working and has to go home and come back almost everyday. God has been so faithful, we know that if we trust, he will provide in his grace. Sometimes it's hard to keep believing, a few times doubt came to our hearts again, but we had to remember, Jehovah-Jireh. And he has, we don't have to worry about the future, we know we are in his care. Everything will be ok.
This is the story of the special gift God brought to us, through it all God showed his mercy and love, he provided for every need through his children. We've been truly blessed. Even in the loss of our Anneke, we believe in the promise that we will see her again someday, and we trust, like David did.
“While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ But now that he is dead, why should I go on fasting? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.” 2 Samuel 12:22-23We know he always has a purpose and we know we have to go through storms so that we can feel his grace, and he's blessed us so much more, he has turned our pain into joy. Thank you Jesus, and thank you brothers and sisters.
Para los que no saben, Josué y yo perdimos una bebe en el año 2010 a 24 semanas de embarazo. La llamamos Anneke Marie. Al principio no sabíamos porque había pasado, supimos que tenia preeclamsia pero no sabíamos por que (Aquí hay un recuento de lo que pasó esa vez).
Unas semanas después de la perdida de Anneke, comencé a tener síntomas de lupus y fui diagnosticada con él, poco después de eso. Luché con la enfermedad por poco más medio año, pero por alguna razón no sentía como que quería sanar, creí que Dios tenia un propósito para mi enfermedad. Y sí lo tenía, pero era mi falta de deseos de sanar lo que Él quería cambiar en mí. Supongo que pensé que me quería enferma, y que por eso me iba a quedar así. Pero no me estaba aferrando con confianza a su gracia. Aunque habían muchas personas orando por mi y pidiendo por mi salud, yo no lo estaba haciendo realmente, pensé que lo hacia, pero no lo hacia de corazón. Entonces un día, sentí que el Espíritu me decía que estaba bien si no estaba feliz con la enfermedad, que estaba bien si quería sanar y pedir por mi salud. Y así lo hice, en ese momento pedí a Dios que me sanara. Dios me respondió de una manera casi increíble (pero esa es una historia para otro día), y me mostró como ser más saludable a través del ayuno de jugos naturales. Solo ayune por una semana, pero comencé a sentirme mucho mejor, los síntomas fueron desapareciendo y el lupus entro en remisión un poco después de eso.
No fue solamente un proceso de salud física, sino también de crecimiento espiritual. Me acerque más a Dios mientras Él me mostraba las maneras misteriosas en las que trabaja y que siempre tiene un propósito. Me mostró el significado de Hebreos 4:16:
"...acerquémonos confiadamente al trono de la gracia para recibir misericordia y hallar la gracia que nos ayude en el momento que más la necesitemos."Y de Marcos 11:24:
"...Crean que ya han recibido todo lo que estén pidiendo en oración, y lo obtendrán."Él usó lo que pasamos para enseñarnos el significado de su gracia. Y nos sigue enseñando, es tan difícil comprender el verdadero significado de la gracia, es un concepto divino difícil de captar para nuestra mente humana, supera nuestra comprensión. Incluso con Amaliah nos sigue enseñando!
Pero, regresando a la historia...mientras mi cuerpo estaba más sano, decidimos que podíamos intentar tener otro bebé. Los médicos nos dieron el sí, nos dijeron que era un buen momento para intentarlo, ya que el lupus es una enfermedad de brote y es mejor quedar embarazada cuando esta en remisión. Yo sabia que Dios iba a contestar nuestra oración de un hijo si teníamos fe, así que tuve fe y oraba con seguridad. Me embarace de nuevo en agosto del 2012. Estábamos muy felices, pero sabíamos que habían riesgos, por lo que estuvimos bajo el cuidado de especialistas y teníamos que venir a Sioux Falls (que esta a 1 hr. 15 min. de donde vivimos) casi cada semana durante la mayor parte del embarazo, lo cual estaba bien con nosotros porque podíamos ver a nuestra bebé seguido a través de ultrasonido y los médicos podían estar al pendiente de algún cambio en mi salud o la de la bebé. Tengo que admitir que hubo algunas veces en las que mre pregunté si íbamos a perder a esta bebé también, así que tuve que aferrarme fuerte a Dios y a su fidelidad, aferrarme a sus promesas. Y, como ustedes ya saben, El respondió nuestra oración.
El martes 5 de marzo venimos a Sioux Falls para nuestro chequeo semanal, y gracias a Dios que lo hicimos; No me había sentido bien las ultimas 2 semanas antes de eso, y sentía que mi lupus estaba brotando de nuevo porque comencé a sentir dolor en mis articulaciones y mis manos se estaban hinchando durante la noche. Mi cara y ojos también estaban un poco inflamados y simplemente no me sentía bien. Nuestra doctora obstetra nos dijo que no me iban a dejar regresarme a mi casa. Tenia la presión alta, encontraron proteína en mi orina, mi cuerpo estaba reteniendo líquidos, había tenido dolores de cabeza y cambios de visión .. todos signos de preeclampsia. Así que me hospitalizaron, me iniciaron en unos medicamentos y un doctor vino a hablar con nosotros acerca de partos prematuros y los riesgos, "por si acaso" dijo. Tuvimos suficiente tiempo para que me pudieran dar dos inyecciones de esteroides para acelerar el desarrollo de los pulmones de la bebé, también "por si acaso", pero no pensamos que fuera a suceder tan pronto. El jueves mi obstetra me vino a ver de nuevo y me dijo: "tu salud no esta bien, vas a tener a tu bebé mañana a las 8:00 am a través de cesárea". Me impactó mucho el escuchar eso, y lloré; No esperaba que fuera tan pronto y nunca pensé que seria a través de cesárea. Aunque ahora me alegro de que fue cesárea porque no tuve que preocuparme por el parto; ni por el dolor ni por el tiempo que duraría. Fue planeado, rápido, no fue doloroso y estuve bajo el cuidado de buenos médicos.
Amaliah Joy llegó de 1.1 kg. y midiendo 38 cm. Fue tan especial; Sé que otros padres saben a lo que me refiero. Estaba tan pequeñita pero tan perfecta a nuestros ojos. No estaba realmente preocupada, sabía que los médicos sabían lo que hacían, sabía que estábamos en las manos de Dios y sabía que había tanta gente orando por nosotros. Estaba totalmente confiada en Dios y mientras me daban la inyección espinal le daba gracias a Dios por la sabiduría que le ha dado a los médicos y enfermeras para ser capaces de cuidar la vida de tal manera. Al pensar en la majestad de Dios y darle gracias pude enfocarme en su poder y eso me ayudo a sentirme tranquila y me quito toda ansiedad.
Estuve casi atada a una cama durante las siguientes 48 horas, por lo que solo pude ver a Amaliah por unos segundos antes de que se la llevaran al NICU, pero creo que fui lo suficientemente paciente. Yo sabia que ella estaba en buen cuidado y me hizo sentir mejor que mi esposo y hermana pudieran ir a verla. Me trajeron fotos, lo cual fue especial.
Hemos recibido tanto amor de tanta gente en todas partes, sabemos que muchos han orado por nosotros, también hemos recibido ayuda económica y no hemos tenido que preocuparnos de mucho. Me estoy quedando en el Walsh Family Village que se encuentra al lado del hospital, un lugar para familiares de pacientes recibiendo tratamiento en el hospital, donde te aceptan aun si no puedo pagar por toda tu estancia. Para llegar al hospital, el mismo hospital ofrece rides. El hospital también ofrece 2 comidas diarias gratuitas para cada padre de los bebes en NICU. Nuestras amistades y hermanos de la Iglesia nos han ayudado con comida y gasolina para todos los viajes que Josué ha tenido que hacer, ya que el todavía esta trabajando y tiene que manejar seguido a la casa. Dios ha sido fiel, sabemos que si confiamos, el provee en su gracia. Hubo unas veces en las que la duda llegaba a nuestros corazones de nuevo, pero tuvimos que recordar: Jehova-Yireh. Y lo ha hecho, no tenemos que preocuparnos por el futuro, sabemos que estamos bajo su cuidado. Todo va a estar bien.
Esta es la historia del regalo especial que Dios trajo a nuestras vidas, a través de todo esto, Dios siempre mostró su amor y misericordia, el proveyó para todas nuestras necesidades a través de sus hijos. Hemos sido grandemente bendecidos. Incluso en la perdida de nuestra Anneke, podemos creer en la promesa de que la volveremos a ver algún día, y confiamos como David lo hizo:
"David respondió: —Es verdad que cuando el niño estaba vivo yo ayunaba y lloraba, pues pensaba: “¿Quién sabe? Tal vez el Señor tenga compasión de mí y permita que el niño viva.” Pero ahora que ha muerto, ¿qué razón tengo para ayunar? ¿Acaso puedo devolverle la vida? Yo iré adonde él está, aunque él ya no volverá a mí." 2 Samuel 12:22-23Sabemos que Dios siempre tiene un propósito y que tenemos que pasar por tormentas para poder sentir su gracia, y Él nos bendecirá aun más. Él ha convertido nuestro dolor en alegría. Gracias Jesús, y gracias hermanos y hermanas.
